INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF THE ELDERLY

JANUARY Month of the Pompous Inaugurations. Solemn opening of the Year. Representatives of public institutions will be photographed taking old-age pensioners out of retirement homes. Afterwards, salty almonds will be served. (Remark: the OAPs shall be returned before eight o'clock)		FEBRUARY Month of the Social Services Tours. Our grandparents will enjoy the unique opportunity to check personally how beautiful Siberia is in this season.
MARCH Month of the Charming Folk Festivals. As it always was done, the elderly will transmit their knowledge and experience to the new generations. The pupils of courses for adult's education will perform a computing demonstration.		APRIL Month of the Conferences. "All What a Retired Person Must Know About Viagra". The lecture will consist of a brief comparative between the average pension and the price of aforementioned drug.
MAY Month of Physical Exercise. Gymnastics sessions for our elders, with the motto "Thou Shan't Run Away". The closest watch will be kept on all exits.		JUNE Month of the Round Figures. A series of lectures on the subject "How to Become a Centenarian" will be given by recently graduated experts.
JULY Month of Summer Holidays. Throughout this month of excellent weather, great efforts will be made so our grandparents can know the marvellous beaches of the Caribbean Sea. The screening will be in 35 millimetres format with subtitles.		AUGUST Month of August. It has been planned to do absolutely nothing. We have never worked in August in this country and we are not going to start now.
SEPTEMBER Month of the Weird Fascicle Collecting. What fascicles can do to improve the quality of life of retired people will be analysed along several symposia. (Remark: it is strongly recommended to use a stout-armed young man in order to carry the fascicles to the shop and have them bound)		OCTOBER Month of Vital Happiness. "Our friends the diseases", concern campaign. Ailments are not a matter of worry if considered with optimism. With kind advise by the famous Austrian nurses.
NOVEMBER Month of the Politically Correct. Brainstorming contest to find the euphemism for next year. Already considered possibilities include "Extended Existence Human Beings" and "Very Adult People"		DECEMBER Month of the Wow How Fast Time Goes By. Closing of the Commemorative Year, looking forward to the International Year of the Antarctic Seal.

© 1999, 2000 by Álvaro G. Vicario www.demogracia.com

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